A Christmas Grace Read online

  Later, towards six o’clock in the morning, the young man still had not stirred, but he was definitely warmer and his pulse quite strong. It was not dawn yet and Emily set out to take more whiskey and hot meals down to the men waiting on the shore, watching for the sea to yield more bodies.

  She found them easily by the yellow light of their lanterns. The waves were crashing like huge avalanches of water, breaking on the sand and roaring higher and higher as the tide swept in. They hissed out long white tongues of foam right into the grass, as if trying to tear out its roots.

  Emily went first to Father Tyndale. In the yellow lantern light he looked exhausted, his large frame somehow hunch-shouldered, his face bleak.

  “Ah, thank you, Mrs. Radley.” He accepted the hot drink, but took of it sparingly to leave plenty for the others. “It’s a hard night.” He did not look at her as he spoke but out over the ocean. “Has he woken yet?”

  “No, Father. But he looks better.”

  “Ah.”

  She searched his expression, but the wavering light was deceptive and she could read nothing. He handed the flask back, and she took it to Brendan Flaherty, then Fergal O’Bannion, and on around the rest of them. Finally she walked back towards the house, so tired it was hard to keep upright against the wind. She thought of Jack at home in bed in London. How much was he missing her? Had he even the remotest idea what he had asked of her, he would not have done it—would he?

  She slept for perhaps an hour. It seemed almost impossible to climb out of the depths of unconsciousness when Maggie shook her and spoke her name. At first Emily could not even remember where she was.

  “He’s awake,” Maggie said quietly. “I’m going to get him something to eat. Perhaps you’d sit with him. He seems a bit distressed.”

  “Of course.” Emily realized she still had most of her clothes on, and she was stiff as if she had walked miles. Then she remembered the storm. The wind was howling and keening in the eaves, but less violently than before. “Did he say anything? Did you tell him he was the only one?” she asked.

  “Not yet. I’m not sure how he’ll take it.” Maggie looked guilty, and Emily knew she was afraid to do it. She shivered and reached for her shawl. In all that had happened last night, she had not thought to add peat to the fire, and it had gone out. The air was chill.

  She went to the room where the young man was, knocked, and went in without waiting for an answer. He was lying propped against the pillows, his face still ashen, eyes dark and hollow. She walked over and stood beside him.

  “Maggie’s gone to get you something to eat,” she said. “My name is Emily. What is yours?”

  He thought for several moments, blinking solemnly. “Daniel,” he said at last.

  “Daniel who?”

  He shook his head and winced as though it hurt. “I don’t know. All I can remember is the water all around me. And men calling out, fighting, to…to stay alive. Where are they?”

  “I don’t know,” she said honestly. “I’m sorry, but you were the only one we found. We stayed on the beach all night, but no one else was washed up.”

  “They all drowned?” he said slowly.

  “I’m afraid it seems so.”

  “All of them.” There was deep pain in his face and his voice was very quiet. “I can’t remember how many there were. Five or six, I think.” He looked at her. “I can’t even think of the ship’s name.”

  “I expect it’ll come back to you. Give yorself a little time. Do you hurt anywhere?”

  He smiled with a grim humor. “Everywhere, as if I’d taken the beating of my life. But it’ll pass.” He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again they were full of tears. “I’m alive.” He reached out his hands, strong and slender, and clasped them over the softness of the quilt, digging into its warmth.

  Maggie came in with a dish of porridge and milk. “Let me help you with this,” she offered. “I daresay it’s long enough since you had anything inside you.” She sat down and held the bowl in her hands, offering him the spoon. Emily saw that in spite of the fact that she was smiling, her knuckles were white.

  Daniel looked at her and clasped the spoon. Slowly he filled it and raised it to his mouth. He swallowed, then took some more.

  Maggie continued to watch him but her eyes were concentrated on something far away, as if she had no need to focus anymore to know what she would see. She still gripped the dish tightly, and Emily watched her chest rise and fall and the pulse beat in her throat.

  Emily went back to bed briefly, this time falling asleep immediately. She woke to find Susannah beside her with a tray of tea and two slices of toast. She set it down on the small table and drew the curtains wide. The wind was moaning and rattling, but there were large patches of blue in the sky.

  “I sent Maggie home for a little sleep,” Susannah said with a smile as she poured the tea, a cup for each of them. “The toast is for you,” she added. “Daniel has eaten some more, and gone back to sleep again, but when I looked in on him he was disturbed. I’m sure he must be having nightmares.”

  “I imagine he will for years.” Emily sipped her tea and picked up a slice of the crisp hot-buttered toast. “Now I see why everyone so dreaded the storm.”

  Susannah looked up quickly, then smiled and said nothing.

  “Do they come like this often?” Emily went on.

  Susannah turned away. “No, not often at all. Do you feel well enough to go to the store and get some more food? There are a few things we will need, with an extra person here.”

  “Of course,” Emily agreed. “But he won’t stay long, will he?”

  “I don’t know. Do you mind?”

  “Of course not.”

  But later, as she was walking along the sea front towards the village, Emily wondered why Susannah had thought the young man would stay. Surely as soon as he had rested sufficiently, he would want to be on his way to Galway, to contact his family, and the people who owned his ship. His memory would return with a little more rest, and he would be eager to leave.

  She came over the slight rise towards the shore and looked out at the troubled sea, wracks of white spume spread across it, the waves, uncrested now in the falling wind, but still mountainous, roaring far up the shore and into the grass with frightening speed, gouging out the sand, consuming it into itself. It was the shadowless gray of molten lead, and it looked as solid.

  At the shop she found Mary O’Donnell and the woman who had introduced herself as Kathleen. They stopped talking the moment Emily walked in.

  “How are you, then?” Kathleen asked with a smile, as if now that Emily had endured the storm she was part of the village.

  Mary gave her a quick, almost guarded look, then as if it had been only a trick of the light, she turned to Emily also. “You must be tired, after last night. How’s the young sailor, poor soul?”

  “Exhausted,” Emily replied. “But he had some breakfast, and I expect by tomorrow he’ll be recovering well. At least physically, of course. He’ll be a long time before he forgets the fear, and the grief.”

  “So he’s not badly hurt, then?” Kathleen asked.

  “Bruised, so far as I know,” Emily told her.

  “And who is he?” Mary said softly.

  There was a sudden silence in the shop. Mr. Yorke was in the doorway, but he stood motionless. He looked at Kathleen, then at Mary. Neither of them looked at him.

  “Daniel,” Emily replied. “He seems to have forgotten the rest of his name, just for the moment.”

  The jar of pickles in Mary O’Donnell’s hands slipped and fell to the floor, bursting open in splintered glass. No one moved.

  Mr. Yorke came in the door and walked over to it. “Can I help you?” he offered.

  Mary came to life. “Oh! How stupid. I’m so sorry.” She bent to help Mr. Yorke, bumping into him in her fluster. “What a mess!”

  Emily waited; there was nothing she could do to help. When the mess was all swept and mopped up, the pickles and bro
ken glass were put in the bin, and there was no more to mark the accident than a wet patch on the floor and a smell of vinegar in the air. Mary filled Emily’s list for her and put it all in her bag. No one mentioned the young man from the sea again. Emily thanked them and went out into the wind. She looked back once, and saw them standing together, staring after her, faces white.

  She walked back along the edge of the shore. The tide was receding and there was a strip of hard, wet sand, here and there strewn with weed torn from the bottom of the ocean and thrown there by the waves. She saw pieces of wood, broken, jagged-ended, and found herself cold inside. She did not know if they were from the ship that had gone down, but they were from something man-made that had been broken and drowned. She knew there were no more bodies. Either they had been carried out to sea and lost forever, or they were cast up on some other shore, perhaps the rocks out by the point. She could not bear to think of them battered there, torn apart and exposed.

  In spite of the wild, clean air, the sunlight slanting through the clouds, she felt a sense of desolation settle over her, like a chill in the bones.

  She did not hear the steps behind her. The sand was soft, and the sound of the waves consumed everything else.

  “Good morning, Mrs. Radley.”

  She stopped and twisted round, clasping the bag closer to her. Father Tyndale was only a couple of yards away, hatless, the wind blowing his hair and making his dark jacket flap like the wings of a wounded crow.

  “Good morning, Father,” she said with a sense of relief that surprised her. Who had she been expecting? “You…you haven’t found anyone else, have you?”

  “No, I’m afraid not.” His face was sad, as if he too were bruised.

  “Do you think they could have survived? Perhaps the ship didn’t go down? Maybe Daniel was washed overboard?” she suggested.

  “Perhaps.” There was no belief in his voice. “Can I carry your shopping for you?” He reached out for it and since it was heavy, she was happy enough to pass it to him.

  “How is Susannah this morning?” he asked. There was more than concern in his face—there was fear. “And Maggie O’Bannion—is she all right?”

  “Yes, of course she is. We’re all tired, and grieved for the loss of life, but no one is otherwise worse.”

  He did not answer; in fact he did not even acknowledge that he had heard her.

  She was about to repeat it more vehemently, then she realized that he was asking with profound anxiety, the undercurrent of which she had felt increasingly since the wind first started rising. He was not asking about health or tiredness, he was looking for something of the heart that battled against fear.

  “Do you know the young man who was washed ashore, Father Tyndale?” she asked.

  He stopped abruptly.

  “His name is Daniel,” she added. “He doesn’t seem to remember anything more. Do you know him?”

  He stood staring at her, buffeted by the wind, his face a mask of unhappiness. “No, Mrs. Radley, I have no idea who he is, or why he has come here.” He did not look at her.

  “He didn’t come here, Father,” she corrected him. “The storm brought him. Who is he?”

  “I’ve told you, I have no idea,” he repeated.

  It was an odd choice of words, a total denial, not merely the ordinary claim of ignorance she had expected. Something was wrong in the village. It was dying in more than numbers. There was a fear in the air that had nothing to do with the storm. That had been and gone now, but the darkness remained.

  “Perhaps I should ask you what Daniel means to these people, Father,” Emily said suddenly. “I’m the stranger here. Everyone seems to know something that I don’t.”

  “Daniel, is it?” he mused, and a lull in the wind made his voice seem loud.

  “So he says. You sound surprised. Do you know him as something else?” She heard the harshness of her words, the edge of her own fear showing through.

  “I don’t know him at all, Mrs. Radley,” he repeated, but he did not look at her, and the misery in his genial face deepened.

  She put her hand on his arm, holding on to him hard, obliging him either to stop, or very deliberately to shake her off, and he was too well mannered to do that. He stopped in front of her.

  “What is it, Father Tyndale?” she asked. “It’s the storm and Daniel, and something else. Everybody’s afraid, as if they knew there was going to be a ship go down. What’s wrong with the village? What is it that Susannah really wants me here for? And don’t say it’s family at Christmas. Susannah was estranged from the family. Her love was Hugo Ross, and perhaps this place and these people. This is where she was happiest in her life. She wants me here for something else. What is it?”

  His face filled with pity. “I know, my dear, but she is asking more than you can do, more than anyone can.”

  She tightened her fingers on his arm. “What, Father? I can’t even try if I don’t know what it is.”

  He gave a deep sigh. “Seven years ago there was another storm, like this one. Another ship was lost out in the bay; it too was trying to beat its way around to Galway. That night too, there was just one survivor, a young man called Connor Riordan. He was washed ashore half dead, and we took him in and nursed him. It was this time of the year, a couple of weeks before Christmas.” He blinked hard, as if the wind were in his eyes, except that he had his back to it.

  “Yes?” Emily prompted. “What happened to him?”

  “The weather was very bad,” Father Tyndale went on, speaking now as if to himself as much as to her. “He was a good-looking young man, not unlike this one. Black hair, dark eyes, something of the dreamer in him. Very quick, he was, interested in everything. And he could sing—oh, he could sing. Sad songs, all on the half note, the half beat. Gave it a kind of haunting sound. He made friends. Everyone liked him—to begin with.”

  Emily felt a chill, but she did not interrupt him.

  “He asked a lot of questions,” Father Tyndale went on, his voice lower. “Deep questions, that made you think of morality and belief, and just who and what you really were. That’s not always a comfortable thing to do.” He looked up at the sky and the shredded clouds streaming across it. “He disturbed both dreams and demons. Made people face dark things they weren’t ready for.”

  “And then he left?” she asked, trying to read the tragedy in his face. “Why? Surely that wasn’t a bad thing? He went back home, then probably out in another ship.”

  “No,” Father Tyndale said so quietly the wind all but swallowed his words. “No, he never left.”

  She crushed on the fear rising inside her. “What do you mean? He’s still here?”

  “In a manner of speaking.”

  “Manner…what kind of manner?” Now that she had asked, she did not want to know. But it was too late.

  “Over there.” He lifted his hand. “Out towards the point, his body’s buried. We’ll never forget him. We’ve tried, and we can’t.”

  “His family didn’t…didn’t come and take his body?”

  “No one knew he was here,” Father Tyndale said simply. “He came from the sea one night when every other soul in his ship was lost. It was winter, and the wind and rain were hard. No one from outside the village came here during those weeks, and we knew nothing of him except his name.”

  The cold was enlarging inside her, ugly and painful. “How did he die, Father?”

  “He drowned,” he replied, and there was a look on his face as if he were admitting to something so terrible he could not force himself to say it aloud.

  There was only one thought in Emily’s mind, but she too would not say it. Connor Riordan had been murdered. The village knew it, and the secret had been poisoning them all these years.

  “Who?” she said softly.

  He could not have heard her voice above the wind in the grass. He read her lips, and her mind. It was the one thing anyone would ask.

  “I don’t know,” he said helplessly. “I’m the spiritual fat
her of these people. I’m supposed to love them and keep them, comfort their griefs and heal their wounds, and absolve their sins. And I don’t know!” His voice dropped until it was hoarse, painful to hear. “I’ve asked myself every night since then, how can I have been in the presence of such passion and such darkness, and not know it?”

  Emily ached to be able to answer him. She knew the subtle and terrible twists of murder, and how often nothing is what it seems to be. Long ago her own eldest sister had been a victim, and yet when the truth was known, she had felt more pity than rage for the one so tormented that they had killed again and again, driven by an inner pain no one else could touch.

  “We don’t,” she said gently, at last letting go of Father Tyndale’s arm. “I knew someone quite well, once, who killed many times. And when in the end everything was plain, I understood.”

  “But these are my people!” he protested, his voice trembling. “I hear their confessions. I, above all, know their loves and hates, their fears and their dreams. How can I listen to them, and yet have no idea who has done this? Whatever it was, they could have come to me, they should have known they could!” He spread his hands. “I didn’t save Connor’s life, and infinitely worse than that, I didn’t save the soul of whoever killed him. Or those who are even now protecting him. The whole village is dying because of it, and I am powerless. I don’t have the faith or the strength to help.”

  She could think of nothing to say that was not trite and would sound as if she had no understanding of his pain.

  He looked down at the sand shifting and blowing about their feet. “And now this new young man has come, like a revisiting of death, as if it were all going to happen again. And I am still useless.”

  Emily hurt for him, for all of them. Now she understood what it was that Susannah wanted resolved before she died. Did she think Emily could do it because of the times she and Charlotte had involved themselves in Pitt’s cases? They had found facts, but she had no idea how to detect from the beginning, understand what mattered and what didn’t, and put everything in its right place to tell a story. Always a tragic story.