Weighed in the Balance Read online

  “My dear Hester, how delightful to see you,” he said with a pleasure which caught her with a sudden warmth. He closed the book in his hand and set it on the desk with the others. “How is your patient?”

  “Much recovered in his health,” she replied truthfully enough. “But I fear he will not walk again. How is your case?”

  His face was filled with concern. “Not walk again! Then his recovery is only very partial?”

  “I am afraid that is almost certainly so. But please, I should prefer not to speak of it. We cannot help. How is your case going? Have you heard from Venice? Is Monk learning anything useful?”

  “If he has, I am afraid he is so far keeping it to himself.” He indicated the chair opposite, and then sat at the corner of the desk himself, swinging his leg a trifle, as if he were too restless to sit properly.

  “But he has written?” she urged.

  “Three times, in none of them telling me anything I could use in court. Now he is off to Felzburg to see what he can learn there.”

  It was not only the total lack of any helpful news which worried her, but the anxiety in Rathbone’s eyes, the way his fingers played with the corner of a sheaf of papers. It was not like him to fiddle pointlessly with things. He was probably not even aware he was doing it. She was unexpectedly angry with Monk for not having found anything helpful, for not being there to share the worry and the mounting sense of helplessness. But panic would not serve anyone. She must keep a calm head and think rationally.

  “Do you believe Countess Rostova is honest in her charge?” she asked.

  He hesitated only a moment. “Yes, I do.”

  “Could she be correct that Gisela murdered her husband?”

  “No.” He shook his head. “She is the one person who did not have the opportunity. She never left his side after his accident.”

  “Never?” she said with surprise.

  “Apparently not. She nursed him herself. I imagine one does not leave a seriously ill patient alone?”

  “As ill as he was, I would have someone in to be with him while I slept,” she replied. “And I might well go to the kitchens to prepare his food myself or to make distillations of herbs to ease him. There are many things one can do to help certain kinds of distress once a patient is conscious.”

  He still looked slightly dubious.

  “Meadowsweet,” she elaborated. “Compresses are excellent for both pain and swelling. Cowslip is also good. Rosemary will lift the spirits. Cinnamon and ginger will help a sick headache. Marigold rinse will assist healing of the skin. Chamomile tea is good for digestive troubles and aids sleeping. A little vervain tea for stress and anxiety, which she might well have benefited from herself.” She smiled, watching his face. “And there is always Four Thieves’ Vinegar against general infection, which is the great danger after injury.”

  A ghost of a smile crossed his face. “I have to ask,” he admitted. “What is Four Thieves’ Vinegar?”

  “Four healthy thieves were caught during a plague,” she replied. “They were offered their freedom in return for their recipe for their remedy.”

  “Vinegar?” he said with surprise.

  “Garlic, lavender, rosemary, sage, mint with a specific amount of mugwort and rue,” she answered. “It has to be measured very exactly and made in a precise way, with cider vinegar. A few drops are sufficient, taken in water.”

  “Thank you,” he said gravely. “But according to Monk’s information, Gisela did not leave their rooms at all … for anything. Whatever preparations there were came up from the kitchen or were brought by the doctor. And it is stretching the bounds of belief too far to suppose she kept a distillation of yew with her beforehand just in case she might have a need for it!”

  “Obviously, you have told the Countess this—and advised her to withdraw and apologize.” She did not make it a question; it would have been insulting. For all his present vulnerability, she would not have dared imply she knew something of his skill that he had omitted. The balance between them was delicate, the slightest clumsiness might damage it.

  “I have.” He looked at his fingers, not at her. “She refuses,” he went on before she could ask. “I cannot abandon her, in spite of her foolishness. I have given my undertaking that I will do what I can to protect her interests.”

  She hesitated a moment, afraid to ask in case he had no answer. But then the omission would have made it obvious that that was what she thought. She saw it in his eyes, steady and gentle on hers, waiting.

  “What can you do?” she said deliberately.

  “Not enough,” he replied with the ghost of a smile, self-mockery in it.

  “Anything?” She had to pursue it. He expected her to. Perhaps he needed to share the sense of defeat. Sometimes fear put into words become manageable. She had found it with men on the battlefield. The longer it remained unsaid, the larger it grew. Turned and faced, the proportions defined, one could muster forces to fight it. The nightmare quality was contained. And this could not be as bad as battle. She still remembered the bloody fields afterwards with sick horror and a pity which she needed to forget if she were to live and be useful now. Nothing in this case could compare with the past. But she could not say that to Rathbone. For him this was the struggle, and the disaster.

  He was collecting his thoughts. He still sat sideways on the edge of the desk, but he had stopped fiddling with the papers.

  “If we can prove it was murder, perhaps we can divert people’s attention from the fact that she accused the wrong person,” he said slowly. “I don’t know a great deal about the Princess Gisela. I think perhaps I need to know their relationship in the past, and her present financial arrangements, in order to estimate what reparations she is likely to seek.” He bit his lip. “If she hates Zorah as much as Zorah hates her, then she is very likely to want to ruin her.”

  “I will see if I can learn anything,” Hester said quickly, glad of the chance to do something herself. “Baron and Baroness Ollenheim knew them both quite well. If I ask the right way, she may tell me quite a lot about Gisela. After all, it is possible she has no great feelings about Zorah. She won, and apparently easily.”

  “Won?” He frowned.

  “The battle between them,” she said impatiently. “Zorah was his mistress before Gisela came—at least, she was one of them. Afterwards he never looked at anyone else. Zorah has plenty of reason to hate Gisela. Gisela has none to hate her. Probably she is so devastated by Friedrich’s death she has no interest in revenge for the slander. Once she is proved innocent, she may be quite happy simply to retire from the public scene as a heroine again—even a merciful one. She will be even more admired for it. People will adore her …”

  Suddenly his expression quickened. The light returned to his eyes as he grasped an idea.

  “Hester, you are remarkably perceptive! If I could persuade Gisela that mercy would be in her own best interest, that it would paint her the greater heroine even than before, that may be our only answer!” He slipped down off the desk and started to pace back and forth across the floor, but this time it was not from tension but nervous energy as his brain raced. “Of course, I shall have no direct communication with her. It will all have to be implied in open court. I must make it double-pronged.”

  He waved his hands, held apart to illustrate his idea. “On the one side, make mercy seem so appealing she will be drawn to it. Show how she will be remembered always for her grace and dignity, her compassion, the great qualities of womanhood that will make the whole world understand why Friedrich gave up a crown for her. And on the other, show how ugly revenge would be upon a woman who has already lost once to her and who has been shown to be mistaken—but a loyal patriot in that she was willing to risk everything to bring to light the fact that Friedrich really was indeed murdered and did not die a natural death, as everyone had supposed.”

  He increased his pace as his mind grasped more ideas. “And I can very subtly show that not to be grateful to her for that, at
least, would suggest to some that possibly she would rather his murderer escape. She cannot allow anyone to think that.” His fist clenched. “Yes! I believe at last we have the beginning of some kind of strategy.” He stopped in front of her. “Thank you, my dear.” His eyes were bright and gentle. “I am most grateful. You have helped immensely.”

  She found herself blushing under his gaze, suddenly unsure how to respond. She must remember this was only gratitude. Nothing had really changed.

  “Hester … I …”

  There was a knock on the door.

  Simms put his head in. “Major Bartlett is here to see you, Sir Oliver. He has been waiting some ten minutes. What shall I tell him?”

  “Tell him I want another ten,” Rathbone said. Then he looked at Simms’s startled face and sighed. “No, don’t tell him that. Miss Latterly is leaving. Tell Major Bartlett I apologize for keeping him waiting. I have just received urgent information on another case, but I am now ready to see him.”

  “Yes, Sir Oliver.” Simms withdrew with a look of restored confidence. He was a man with a profound respect for the proprieties.

  Hester smiled in spite of a sense of both relief and disappointment.

  “Thank you for seeing me without notice,” she said gravely. “I shall let you know of anything I am able to learn.” And she turned to leave.

  He moved past her to open the door, standing so close to her she could smell the faint aromas of wool and clean linen—and sense the warmth of his skin. She walked out into the open office, and he turned to speak to Major Bartlett.

  Hester returned to Hill Street determined to face the truth regarding Robert as soon as an opportunity arose, and if it did not, she would have to create one.

  As it happened, she had very little time to wait. The doctor called again early that evening, and after he had seen Robert, he asked to speak to Hester alone. There was a boudoir on the second floor which was readily available. She closed the door.

  He looked grave, but he did not avoid her eyes, nor did he try to smooth over with false optimism the bitterness of what he had to say.

  “I am afraid I can do no more for him,” he said quietly. “It would be unjustified, and I think cruel, to hold out any real hope that he will walk again, or …” This time he did hesitate, trying to find a delicate way of phrasing what he needed to explain.

  She helped him. “I understand. He will be able to use no part of his lower body. Only the automatic muscles of digestion will work.”

  “I am afraid that is true. I’m sorry.”

  Even though she had known it, to have it spoken made her aware that some foolish part of her had hoped she was wrong, and that hope was now dead. She felt a profound weight settle, hard and painful, inside her. It was as if a final light had gone out.

  The doctor was looking at her with great gentleness. He must hate this as much as she did.

  She forced herself to lift her head a fraction and keep her voice steady.

  “I shall do all I can to help them accept it,” she promised. “Have you told the Baroness, or do you wish me to?”

  “I have not told anyone else yet. I would like you to be there when I do. She may find it very difficult.”

  “And Robert?”

  “I have not told him, but I believe he knows. This young woman he mentions, Miss Stanhope, seems to have prepared him to some extent. Even so, hearing it from me will be different from merely thinking of it. You know him better than I do. From whom will it be least difficult for him?”

  “That depends upon how his parents react,” she replied, not knowing how real their hope may have been. She feared Bernd would fight against it, and that would make it far more difficult. Dagmar would have to face reality for both of them. “Perhaps we should allow them to choose, unless that proves impossible.”

  “Very well. Shall we go downstairs?”

  Bernd and Dagmar were waiting for them in the huge, high-ceilinged withdrawing room, standing close together in front of the fire. They were not touching each other, but Bernd put his arm around his wife as Hester and the doctor came in. He faced them squarely, hope and fear struggling in his eyes.

  Dagmar looked at them and read it in their expressions. She gulped.

  “It is bad … isn’t it?” she said with a catch in her voice.

  Hester started to say that it was not as bad as it might have been, there would be no pain, then realized that was not what they would be able to hear. For them this was as bad as they could conceive.

  “Yes,” the doctor answered for her. “I am afraid it is unrealistic to believe now that he will walk again. I … I am very sorry.” His nerve failed him, and he did not add the other facts Hester had deduced. Perhaps he saw in Bernd’s face that they would be too much to bear.

  “Can’t you do … anything?” Bernd demanded. “Perhaps a colleague? I don’t mean to insult you, but if we were to try another opinion? A surgeon? Now that you can anesthetize a person while you operate, surely you can … can mend what is broken? I—” He stopped.

  Dagmar had moved closer to him, was holding on to his arm more tightly.

  “It is not broken bones,” the doctor said as calmly as he was able. “It is the nerves which give feeling.”

  “Then can’t he walk without feeling?” Bernd demanded. “He can learn! I’ve known men with dead legs who managed to walk!” His face was growing dark with pain and anger at his own helplessness. He could not bear to believe what was being said. “It will take time, but we shall accomplish it!”

  “No.” Hester spoke for the first time.

  He glared at her. “Thank you for your opinion, Miss Latterly, but at this time it is not appropriate. I will not give up hope for my son!” His voice broke, and he took refuge in anger. “Your place is to nurse him. You are not a doctor! You will please not venture medical opinions which are beyond your knowledge.”

  Dagmar winced as if she had been hit.

  The doctor opened his mouth and then did not know what to say.

  “It is not a medical opinion,” Hester said gravely. “I have watched many men come to terms with the fact that an injury will not heal. Once they have accepted the truth, it is not a kindness to hold out a hope which cannot be realized. It is, in fact, making them carry your burden as well as their own.”

  “How dare you!” he said. “Your impertinence is intolerable! I shall—”

  “It is not impertinence, Bernd,” Dagmar interrupted him, touching his hand with hers even as she clung to him. “She is trying to help us to do what is best for Robert. If he will not walk again, it is kinder for us not to pretend that somehow he will.”

  He moved away, taking his arm from her grasp. In rejecting her he was also rejecting what she had said.

  “Are you prepared to give up so easily? Well, I shall never give up! He is my son … I cannot give up!” He turned away to hide the emotion twisting his features.

  Dagmar turned to Hester, her face bruised with pain.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered, trying to control herself. “He doesn’t mean it. I know you are saying what is best for Robert. We must face the truth, if that is what it is. Will you help me to tell him, please?”

  “Of course.” Hester nearly offered to do it for her, if she wished, then realized that if she did, afterwards Dagmar would feel as if she had let her son down out of her own weakness. It was necessary for Dagmar, whether it was for Robert or for her own peace of mind, to tell him herself.

  Together they moved towards the door, and the doctor turned to follow them.

  Bernd swung around as though to speak, then changed his mind. He knew his own emotions would only make it harder.

  Upstairs, Dagmar knocked at Robert’s door, and when she heard his voice, pushed the door open and went in, Hester behind her.

  Robert was sitting up as usual, but his face was very white.

  Dagmar stopped.

  Hester ached to say it for her. She choked back the impulse, her throat tight.
/>   Robert stared at Dagmar. For a moment there was hope in his eyes, then only fear.

  “I’m sorry, my darling,” Dagmar began, her words husky with tears. “It will not get better. We must plan what we can do as it is.”

  Robert opened his mouth, then clenched his hands and gazed at her in silence. For a moment it was beyond him to speak.

  Dagmar took a step forward, then changed her mind.

  Hester knew that nothing she could say would help. For the moment the pain was all-consuming. It would have to change, almost certainly be in part replaced by anger, at least for a while, then perhaps despair, self-pity, and finally acceptance, before the beginning of adjustment.

  Dagmar moved forward again and sat down on the edge of the bed. She took Robert’s hand in hers and held it. He tightened his grip, as if all his mind and his will were in that one part of him. His eyes stared straight ahead, seeing nothing.

  Hester stepped back and pulled the door closed.

  * * *

  It was the middle of the next morning when Hester saw Bernd again. She was sitting in the green morning room in front of the fire writing letters, one or two of her own, but mostly to assist Dagmar in conveying apologies and explanations to friends, when Bernd came in.

  “Good morning, Miss Latterly,” he said stiffly. “I believe I owe you an apology for my words yesterday. They were not intended as any personal discourtesy. I am most … grateful … for the care you have shown my son.”

  She smiled, putting down her pen. “I did not doubt that, sir. Your distress is natural. Anyone would have felt as you did. Please do not consider it necessary to think of it again.”

  “My wife tells me I was … rude …”

  “I have forgotten it.”

  “Thank you. I … I hope you will remain to look after Robert? He is going to need a great deal of assistance. Of course, in time we shall obtain an appropriate manservant, but until then …”

  “He will learn to do far more than you think now,” she assured him. “He is disabled; he is not ill. The greatest help would be a comfortable chair with wheels so that he can move around …”